Love, loss, and grief. These are the three words that Rachael Kilgour has taken and embedded into the lyrics of her newest album: My Father Loved Me. Every tune of this album is filled with warm and heartwarming stories that Kilgour openly shares with her listeners as a tribute to her late father. Beyond the realms of songwriting and performing, Kilgour actively engages with the Warming Center, extending assistance to those seeking refuge. Read on to learn more about Rachael Kilgour.

Where are you based?
This is up in the air at the moment! I am from Northern Minnesota, but it’s a transitional time and I am considering my next move as I’m on tour with this record. Any suggestions?

What inspired you to delve into the art of songwriting?
I was quite shy and hesitant to take up space as a kid. My introduction to songwriting and my early experiences on stage in young adulthood were revelatory! Songwriting gave me the ability to take my time with language and really express myself and be seen and heard. I had never felt anything like that before and was immediately committed to it.

Are there specific artists or songs that have influenced your work?
So many! My young self listened to a lot of Neil Young, Ani Difranco, Iris Dement, Natalie Merchant, Cat Stevens, Shawn Colvin, Joni Mitchell, Paul Simon, my parents’ music (Everly Brothers, Patsy Cline, Anne Murray) and the old protest songs of Pete Seeger and others. To name a few. But I remember a specific shift in my early 20s listening to Ferron’s “Girl On the Road” for the first time and understanding that songs can be just unguarded poetry through which we reveal and tend to our own wounds. That shaped my writing immensely.

Congratulations on releasing your newest album. Could you share the inspiration behind its creation?
My dad died about six years ago and I relied on songwriting as a way to process his death and life and what it all meant to me. He hadn’t really been ‘himself’ for the past decade before his death as dementia took over. I think these songs helped me get to know him in ways I couldn’t during his lifetime.

Your album is a beautiful testament to your father. Are there any specific memories you have of him that significantly influenced your creative decisions in the album?
I always knew I identified with Dad in some ways. He was an ordinary guy who did his best to live and love well, but also really struggled with some self-doubt and longing to belong. While my primary memory of him was of work, I always knew there was something more complicated about him that he didn’t have words for — but I did. This project was so much about excavating that.

We loved your song, “Dad Worked Hard.” What message do you hope to send to your listeners?
Thank you! The song came out of the pain I felt in knowing my dad’s end-of-life care might be limited by his financial circumstances. The end product is essentially this very quiet, personal protest song, isn’t it? But it was just me fighting for a place for my hard working dad to stand and take up space and be taken care of. I felt on fire at the injustice of how we value and compensate different kinds of labor in our society, how the care our elders receive depends on the wealth they accumulate in a lifetime. And how much my dad took that as a personal failing.

“My Father Loved Me” is a beautiful heart warming song. How has your father influenced your life and music?
My dad came from a musical family but he was fairly tone and rhythm impaired, himself. Dad was always very proud and happy when I played music. His greatest skill as a father was the way he would brag about us within earshot. He wouldn’t look in your eyes and say “I’m proud of you” but he would make sure you overheard when he asked his friends if they wanted your autograph. This song looks at the conflict between the way he effortlessly loved his children but struggled to set an example of self-love. Now it’s my job, to figure out how to love myself and tell a new story about worthiness.

What was the creative journey like when composing these songs?
It was hard! And beautiful too, like all good things. I had to face a lot of uncomfortable truths about myself and my family, and I spent a lot of time facing my deepest, oldest fears: mortality, lack of meaning, repetition of unhealthy patterns, etc. But it was incredibly fulfilling to create this beautiful thing in memory of my father, who lived a very simple and straightforward life. And the practice of mourning him and celebrating him with strangers feels like it is both honoring him and reassuring me that life is worth living.

Your album is deeply personal. In the process of creating this album, did you discover anything new about yourself or your relationship with your father?
So much! I think my father has been an incredible teacher in his death, and I am so grateful to him. I learned about accepting help, accepting myself, accepting that anything worth loving is temporary and that the letting go can be beautiful too.

I’ve also enjoyed exploring Dad’s relationship to his home country and my own Canadian heritage. I think he really missed home once he immigrated to the States and it has felt so special to bring these songs back to these places that held so much meaning to him.

How has your music evolved over the years, and what can fans expect from your newest album?
I have always written songs out of these places of emotional overwhelm: whether it’s pain or profound love. Through the songs I learn how to articulate my internal experience and to hold multiple truths at once. In that way, this record is just the newest iteration of my journey on this planet. But it definitely cracked something open in me that is new and burning brightly.

The production on this record is something I am also incredibly proud of. I really sound like myself! But like myself in 3D with an elaborate soundscape that supports the very heart of the writing. Producer Rose Cousins really created a beautiful environment for collaboration and vulnerability in the studio and knocked it out of the park crafting these arrangements.

We heard that you worked at the emergency winter shelter Duluth. Can you tell us a bit about this work? What initially inspired you to get involved with the shelter and dedicate your time and efforts to this cause?
My older brother has been dedicated to the work of addressing homelessness since he left home at 18. His choices impacted me more than most things and his work reminds me to consider how my life can contribute to the good of the whole. I’m very proud of him. His latest project has been this emergency winter shelter (it is very cold in Duluth!) and a multi-phase community response to homelessness starting with very low-barrier emergency shelter and working up to community-oriented supportive housing. My time at the Warming Center came about through him and my belief in a shared responsibility to one another is one that was embedded in our family values.

Homelessness is a complex issue on the rise. In your opinion, how can individuals or organizations contribute to the effort?
I think we need to urgently meet essential needs/rights (shelter, food, basic hygiene) in order to break through more complicated issues of employment, trauma repair, mental illness and addiction. Some people would disagree, believing that a person should prove they’re ready to be responsible before they are offered help. But healing and growth cannot happen from a place of survival — basic safety is the key.

As individuals, it’s important to do the research in your own community and find out who is doing the work and who is making a plan. Support efforts to decriminalize homelessness and provide complex, supportive shelter and services through your vote, with your money and within your social networks. Advocate for increased affordable housing in your community. Remember that people who live outside or in their cars, or in shelters, are humans who have a right to their dignity just as much as you do.

What guidance would you offer to someone who has recently endured the loss of a loved one?
I think it’s important not to run from it, the feelings will catch you eventually whether you like it or not. And remember that while it is painful, impermanence is what makes life beautiful and worth living. Grieving is just love in a new shape.

Do you have any exciting new projects you would like to share?
I like to move slowly through my life and work and I am very fully in this project still. I am enjoying sharing these songs live with audiences and learning to perform in a new way. It’s less about entertainment and more about our shared humanity, creating a full night of songs about fatherhood and grief. And learning how to commune with people after the performance and really connect about our shared experiences. This is what has been giving me life.

It has been a crazy past few years, how have you been staying positive?
I’ve had a lot of upheaval as of late, on top of the turmoil of the world, and so this is an interesting question. Sometimes I don’t feel positive at all and I think the healthiest thing I have learned to do in recent years is accept that and love it instead of pushing it away. That and letting those parts of myself be seen by the people I love and trust.

What is your motto in life?
Wow. I don’t know if I’ve developed one! I’ll have to get back to you on this.

To stay connected with Rachael Kilgour, please follow the links below
Rachael Kilgour
Spotify
Instagram: @rachaelkilgour
Facebook: @rachaelkilgour

Photography by Sara Pajunen.

Rachael Kilgour - Lyrics of Love and Loss