Today is day 106 of lockdown for me. I have left my home only a handful of times: a funeral, to move out of my studio, a few protests, this shoot, to vote, and a few much needed nature days. When this shoot happened, I had only been out for the move and the funeral. I’m not going to lie, this has been one of the hardest times in my life, especially with my best friend being in ICU for most of it and the loss of my father-in-law, but as I have been able to move past the trauma, I have found hope, a revolution, and joy.

This lockdown has forced us all to look at life differently. I know people who were able to get out of debt while being on the pandemic unemployment assistance. Let that sink in. They couldn’t get out before… They are making more money now on what the government considers a “pandemic unemployment wage” than when they were working. Since so many people are unemployed, we are able to actually take to the streets in the masses to protest the horrendous racial injustices in our country. We are starting to see how the people who we pay a minimum wage to are essential workers, which is making us consider paying them a living wage. This also has us re-evaluating Universal Health Care.

So, with challenging days comes the demand for change. Let’s not waste this historic time!

One of the things I have been very grateful for during this lockdown is my pole dancing community. Without them, I would have gone insane! Now, through the miracle of the internet, I’m training with masters from all over the world. It also means that I have the pleasure to know other daredevils like myself. So, when I asked my nude model and aerialist friend Rebecca Lawrence if she wanted to run around New York City during the beginning phases of the lockdown in the middle of a pandemic (properly socially distancing, of course) in nothing but a mask, I wasn’t shocked when she said: “Yes! 100%!”

You may ask, why just a mask? Well, like all industries, the fashion industry was hit hard. Almost all production came to a halt; however, many companies converted over to making masks. Now, there were a lot of problems with how a lot of companies handled themselves and their workers during this time, but a lot of really amazing companies immediately switched all their focus to making masks for the masses and donating them to essential workers as soon as they noticed the extreme need, like Orenda Tribe and Botanica Workshop.

Please read below as I speak with the amazing Rebecca Lawrence about being a nude model and how she has been impacted by COVID-19.

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Foreword by Kira Bucca, Editor in Chief of Jejune Magazine.

Where are you based?
Harlem, NYC.

How long have you been a model?
Since 2006.

How did you get into modeling?
A friend of mine started modeling nude and touring around the United States. If not for her, I’m not sure if I ever would have considered modeling. I was finishing my sophomore year of college when she proposed that I get started building a portfolio and join her for a road trip to do photoshoots, promising adventure and a lot more money than the $7/h I was making at my job in the University’s library. She now has an impressive government job in DC, and, in many ways, I am still on that road trip!

What made you decide to get into nude modeling?
I was torn when my friend suggested I could do art nude modeling to pay for college and as a creative outlet. Once there are nude photos of you on the internet, there is no going back. My biggest concern was about career options closing if I became a nude model. I was in school for International Relations, hoping to head to the Foreign Service, but was having a lot of doubts as to whether I truly wanted to work in government. I mostly wanted to travel and meet interesting people, which modeling could also provide. I started seeing a therapist to work out whether the decision to model nude was something I could handle.

Do you find nude modeling empowering? If so, why?
I find the independence of freelancing, and my role in making art, very rewarding. I prefer to work with people who allow me a lot of creative input in their process. As I’ve learned during the pandemic, working alone to produce solo projects is not as fulfilling as collaborating with others. In my first several years of modeling, I was surprised to find that I lacked confidence when modeling in clothes, whereas being nude was freeing and emboldened me. Modeling in clothing was especially challenging at first because I had such rigid expectations from society and media about what those genres should look like, and I didn’t think I could meet my own standards for how I thought a fashion model, or a swimsuit model, should look. When I posed without clothes, I felt like I could absolutely be myself — I did not have any internalized criteria for how a nude model was supposed to look. Additionally, I enjoyed the rebellion against my upbringing in the South where women were outcasted for immodesty and shamed for non-conformity to gender norms. I wanted to live outside of those rules.

Artists were some of the hardest hit by the COVID-19 layoff/unemployment. Can you tell us what you went through as everything shut down?
Every time I looked at my phone, there were more cancellations. Gigs that I had worked very hard to get evaporated. Not only did all of my income disappear, but I had been rehearsing for my first show as an aerial performer. I had been training almost daily for two years to get to the level I thought I should be at to perform for an audience for the first time. The lockdown began three days before that show was scheduled. I cycled through grief, fear, loneliness, ennui, and depression. I felt like I had lost many of the most important aspects of my identity and had to remember who I was before I started defining myself as a person by my job and daily activities. I thought about my childhood and my teenage years a lot as I considered what hobbies I could return to. The nastiest feeling I dealt with was envy. I had a very difficult time relating to my friends who were able to work from home, and isolated myself from some important people in my life because the divide between us was painful. As a single woman, I also felt very separate from my friends in relationships who were quarantining with their partners.

Are you modeling again now, other than this shoot? How was it easing back in?
I have been working with a photographer, Iain Geoghan, once a week, shooting on the streets of NYC. We pick a different neighborhood each week and try to document me (in casual clothes and masked when necessary) while we try to keep a pulse on the rapidly changing city. These experiences have been therapeutic for both of us. I worry that if I go too long without modeling I will lose the power I have in my relationship with my physical self. I’m having to learn some new skills too, especially with where to put my hands during a shoot. I want to touch every rail, every scaffolding when we are walking around town. After my first shoot back, I realized that 50% of my pre-pandemic posing had involved touching my face!

Were you able to get unemployment assistance?
Nine weeks after my first request for unemployment assistance, I did receive back-payment and my first weekly payment in late May. I don’t know what I would have done without it.

One of the masks you wore today was made by your father, which is just adorable. Can you tell us a little bit about how your dad got into making masks?
When I was in high school, I wanted to learn how to sew and talked my dad into taking me shopping for a sewing machine. I never made any sense out of the instruction manual and did not learn to use it. During the pandemic, my dad got bored enough to clean out the garage and find the sewing machine. He ordered new parts for it and taught himself to sew from YouTube. The mask he mailed me was made out of an old flannel shirt I remember him wearing when I was young!

On the day of the shoot, you were two years sober! Congrats! What made you decide to stop drinking?
Thank you! It felt amazing to wake up before 5 am the day of our shoot knowing it was my two year anniversary of quitting. This journey started because I woke up with an incredible hangover May 6, 2018. I had to drive to southern NJ and do a full day of shooting on very little sleep with this pounding headache and terrible mood. This was not the first time I was shooting while feeling this sick, so I had no doubt I was doing my job well and hiding the hangover. While in the dressing room, I jokingly texted a lot of friends that I would never drink again. I figured I would make it about a week without alcohol since I had just returned from a long trip to Asia and had lots of friends I was expected to catch up with over wine, but I spent that week reflecting on the problems I had been creating for myself when drunk or hungover. With each passing week of abstaining, I learned new social skills that gave me more confidence that I could live without drinking. I had been in a dangerous pattern with alcohol. As a touring model, I would go through long periods on the road where I wouldn’t drink at all due to the amount of driving and intensity of my schedule. I would return to the city and try to keep up with my friends on nights out without any awareness of what my tolerance might be. I sometimes experienced blackouts and made poor decisions. I didn’t like how unpredictable my behavior could be while drinking, the risks that I would take while out at night, or how dark my thoughts could be when I had had too much. The hangovers were affecting my fitness pursuits in a way that was dangerous, since I was training aerial dance. I could sense I would end up seriously injured if that continued.

You have also been dating during the lockdown. Can you tell us a little bit about this experience?
In April, I went on a dating app and quickly realized I had nothing to talk about with people who were working from home. They seemed to be living with an entirely different set of pandemic stressors than I was! I felt like it would be a good time to find another creative professional like myself, who would ordinarily be too busy for dating, so I started swiping only on people whose job titles made them sound like they would have also lost their gigs due to Covid-19. Sorry, doctors and office workers! I did end up going on a date with a guy in Central Park shortly before the Jejune shoot. We had enjoyed a few long phone conversations where we related over the absurdities of dating during the pandemic while unemployed. I appreciated not having to talk my date out of wanting to meet at a bar, since all of the bars had been closed for months. At the beginning of the date, he gave me the N95 mask I’m wearing in the subway station photos. We picked up coffee at the West Side Market and wondered if it was appropriate to stand on the same square of tape in the checkout line.. I’m happy to say we have become friends. For a gig worker like me, meeting new people and making new connections every day was something I took for granted.

How have you been staying positive during shelter in place?
I’m an extravert, so I have been talking to friends on the phone — A LOT. I haven’t used the phone this much since I was a teenager. I also try to remind myself that having this much free time is a rare gift.

You are super fit! What are some of your favorite workouts? And how are you staying fit during this time?
Before the pandemic, I trained pole and aerial dance in the studio probably six days a week. Now, I am working on flexibility and handstand training, since those work the best in my small apartment. I’m no longer as strong as I’d like to be, but it has helped to narrow down my focus to those two things. I also spend a good chunk of every day in lockdown walking around my neighborhood and in Central Park.

What is your motto in life?
When I was in my 20s, my mottos were, “Work hard, play hard,” and, “I’ll sleep when I’m dead.” Neither of those fit anymore. I am being more gentle with myself, know that sleep is invaluable, and don’t define myself by my work and social life. I want to give more of myself to pursuits that arouse my curiosity and creativity. I’m less interested in being hyper-productive.

To learn more about Rebecca Lawence, please follow her via the below platform:
Instagram: bexlaw

Team Credits:
Photography: Kira Bucca Photography
Model: Rebecca Lawrence

Special thanks to Aleetha Clanton for supplying many of the masks used for this project. Her and her twin sister were some of the first to start making masks when the pandemic hit! You can find them at 2wins Apparel.

Behind the scenes fun images. This is how pole dancers play! :D

Cover - New York City Has Hope